I’m not always the swiftest fox in the bunch.
Sure, I can put furniture together like an engineer; I can get through James Joyce without a struggle; I can make a valid argument of post-modern failure from The Adventures of Pete and Pete; I’m a fantastic speller; I’m very good with cause and effect in all aspects of my life (Note; I am good at acknowledging and understanding that if I do that, then this will happen, even before I do this. I just cannot convince myself not to do this when this is faster/more efficient/etc because I have an impulse control problem); and I understand how to use semi-colons (rule 2: use to separate items in a list). But there are times when I’m just a bag of rocks. And yesterday was a doozy.
First, I woke up, and decided that my 2 days unwashed hair was totes appropriate for an office setting, even though I knew it wasn’t, but I really wanted to sleep for 20 more minutes. #1
Then I saw that it was cloudy. And not just cloudy with sun poking out so you know it won’t rain, but cloudy as in, it will rain in half an hour cloudy. I saw this and decided to wear a skirt, with stockings, and a pair of flats that were basically fabric glued to a thin piece of rubber. #2
Then, I wore a fake leather jacket instead of a rain coat, even though I knew it would rain and I didn’t have an umbrella, because the fake leather jacket matched better. #3
Next, I forgot my lunch, which was bad because I’m scraping pennies together at this point. I realized I forgot my lunch when I was half way down the stairs, but I was too lazy to back to get it. #4
Also, I looked at my boss’ outlook calendar (called a “diary” here) and I said she couldn’t do something because she’d be in Canberra. Except she’d be in Canberra on Wednesday, and I was looking at Tuesday, and she was asking about something she could do today, which was Monday. I did this twice. #5
After, I went to lunch. It was dark and cloudy. Decided I’d be able to make it a block and a half to Subway without an umbrella. Ended up buying an umbrella because there was a torrential downpour when I left Subway. #6
Then, I got back from lunch, put my phone on the desk, and went to the bathroom. Came back from the bathroom and thought “Where is my phone?” I looked all over my desk, didn’t see it. Almost freaked out, and then saw it right in front of me. #7
Later, I was trying to hail a cab, in the rain, and found one coming my way. I signaled him, with all my Carrie Bradshaw fury, and he pulled in and stopped in front of me. I ran out, and opened the door. The woman inside the cab looked HORRIFIED and then I looked HORRIFIED as I said sorry and closed the door and ran back to the sidewalk. I hadn’t even seen that his light wasn’t on. Or that he had gotten into the turn lane, which was right in front of me. Mortified doesn’t even cover it. #8
Then, I decided that the best place to wait for my GoCatch cab was a dark street where no less than 6 methy looking strangers passed me. #9
Next, I was at our friend Aaron’s for a work meeting. Joel sent me a text that there was a storm coming. “Oh it’ll be ok,” I thought. at 8:15, I thought “maybe I should get home, it is coming down harder.” at 8:30, it was hailing and raining so hard we couldn’t hear ourselves talk anymore. “Oh, it’ll clear up soon. Storms don’t last long.” 45 minutes later, it was finally safe to leave. Holy crap. Then, the Anzac bridge was flooded, and it took an hour for us to get over it. I fell asleep in the cab twice in that hour. It was 10PM and $65 later before I got home. #10
Thankfully, that’s where the idiot day stopped. I came home, frozen and drenched, put on sweats (that Joel had ready and waiting for me), ate pasta (that he also made and had waiting for me), and fell into a sleep coma.
Sheeit, man. Some days.
One thought on “Swift, but not Taylor”
I don’t even have words….