Ok, so I know oatmeal isn’t exciting. And I know a lot of people could careless. But let me put this out there: I freakin’ love oatmeal. Yes, I am a living on the edge wild child for the fibre treat. I love hot porridge, I love oatmeal skin products, I love the way it feels to sift through a bag of oats with my hands, and I love to fucking destroy a plate of oatmeal cookies.
The oatmeal cookie and all it’s simplistic glory calls to the Midwestern genetics in me that my mom has worked so tirelessly to destroy (but somethings can’t be helped; this love of sweat pants and trashy TV didn’t evolve on its own, Mom). They’re filling, but not too sweet, so you can eat about a million of them before you feel sick. And, you can convince yourself that since it’s oatmeal, butter, and brown sugar, you’re basically eating a bowl of oatmeal. That makes them a breakfast food. Aw yeah. But more than that, oatmeal cookies remind me of dad’s mom, Gramma.
My Gramma Turner was known for a few things: her incredible piano skillz (she had her Master’s Degree in Piano Performance and owned two black Steinway baby grand pianos and a room FULL of sheet music), her swift intelligence, her quilting talent, her art and calligraphy, buying us amazing toys and “forcing” us to do crafts (damnit I wish somone would force me to do crafts now); but she was not known for her cooking. I can’t blame her, she was born and raised in the mid-west, famous for Mayonaise and meatloaf. But these cookies. They made me say gat-damn.
She had this recipe that just killed. I’ve never had a cookie that tastes like my Gramma’s cookies. They were basic oatmeal cookies, but they were white — which is weird. And they had this taste to them that I’ve never been able to replicate. It was like a raw cookie dough taste, rich, savory, but fully baked. It was plain, but it was haunting.
I couldn’t get enough of them. And whenever we’d visit, she’d always make a batch just for me, and keep them in a big, round, blue tin on the top of the fridge. She’d only let me have two at a time, and it drove me crazy. And I’d get in trouble when she realized I had snuck in there and eaten a handful. #worthit We have her recipe and have tried to make them a few times, but they don’t taste the same. By the time I had the interest to sit down and talk recipes with her, she was deep in the throws of dementia. And then she passed away. Whatever secret ingredient or method she had, she kept a secret.
Enter: Oatmeal Turners.
They’re a hybrid of my Gramma’s cookies, and my mom’s Exceptionally Badass Oatmeal Cookies. They’re fluffy, soft, rich, delicious little oatmeal bites, and they’re the closest cookies I’ve come to my Gramma’s. Every time I make them, it’s like a trip back in time. With one bite, I’m 7 years old, and sitting in my Gramma’s sunporch in Lexington, Kentucky, playing with our Barbie Dream House, waiting for her and my mom to go shopping so I can sneak more cookies.
So get a gallon of milk, make these cookies, and have a good time. You won’t regret it. Fun fact: I’ve also made these Vegan for my plant-friendly pals by using unbleached sugar, and swapping the eggs for Arrow Root powder + water, and the butter for canola based margarine. And they’re still good. Like they always say, getchu a cookie that can do both.
Here’s the low down:
Cast of Players
ACT 1
ACT II
ACT III
- 1 cup butter
- 1 cup brown sugar
- 1/2 cup white sugar
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- 1 teaspoon almond extract
- 1 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup all purpose flower
- 1/2 cup almond meal
- 1/2 cup shaved coconut
- 2 eggs
- 3 cups oatmeal
- optional: 1 cup chopped pecans (or walnuts)
- optional: 1 cup white chocolate chips
- combine butter, sugars, vanilla + almond, set aside.
- combine flour, almond meal, salt and baking soda, and set aside.
- cream together butter and white and brown sugars.
- add eggs one at a time.
- slowly mix in dry ingredients.
- slowly mix in oatmeal and coconut and other mix-ins (pecans, white chocolate chips)
- use 1/4 cup scoop to make balls of oatmeal dough deliciousness, and distribute them on baking sheets
- bake for 8-10 minutes at 325*F//260*C
- remove immediately from baking sheet and let cool on a wire rack.
- you aren’t baking successfully unless you’ve dirtied up every measuring device you own.
- pull the cookies out when they’re almost done. They’ll continue baking when you bring them out of the oven, and it maintains the soft texture/crispy edge harmony.
- For every baking sheet you bake, you get one spoon full of raw dough to eat.
- Therefore, use every baking sheet you own.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to go eat the rest of these cookies, because I had an IUD fitted today and my uterus is furious with me. But more on that later.
How do you bake oatmeal cookies? Let me know!
xo
Audpodge and Blither Blather 
Margaret could also make chocolate cake, fudge, and fried chicken. And boil the HELL out of broccoli. Sometimes I over boil the broccoli just to make Dad feel comforted. 😻😻😻😻