After waiting almost a year and a half for this season, I knew it would be the most stressful 6 weeks of my life. And sheeeeeeew if I wasn’t right about that.

It’s hard to talk about GoT without dropping spoilers. And I believe in not posting spoilers/reviews until 24 hours has passed. So I didn’t want to write about this just yet. But COME ON, man. Last night’s episode left me full of feelings.

Along with everyone else last week, I was gearing up for massive casualties after last week’s episode. HBO is notorious for killing off characters when you least expect it, and the HBO + George R.R. Martin combo has proven especially lethal. So I’ve been in a slightly heightened stressed out state, half excited to see the episode, half terrified to see characters I’ve grown to love be killed off in a brutal battle with undead ice people. And I spent 90 minutes last night clutching my chest, pulling at my hair, saying NOOOOOOO and waiting for this 7 season build up to all to be over.

The stress is real, guys.

I can’t remember another real show that I’ve watched from the beginning*. I always seem to jump into these epic series either more than half way through (Breaking Bad, Mad Men) or after it’s completely finished (The Wire, The Hills lol). GoT however – I started reading about it in 2010, but I didn’t have HBO when it premiered in 2011. As such, I always had to wait a couple days after each episode showed before I could find a way to watch it, but I couldn’t access subtitles and the quality was always bad so I was lost. That summer though, I was visiting my parents, and I was massively sick (ear, chest, and bladder infection oh myyyy) and I spent two nights stuck to the couch, doped up, knitting a scarf and re-watching GoT. 

Since then, I haven’t missed a single premiere. And I’ve been on this emotional ROLLER COASTER with all these characters in the last 9 years. They’ve seen A LOT of shit, and I’ve been there, feeling it with them – wincing at their close calls with death, screaming when they do die, standing by helplessly when they’re violently abused, cheering when they get what they deserve, getting weirdly conflicted with Arya’s scene with Gendry, struggling to reconcile with the many WTF!? moments they’ve thrown my way. Now that there are only 3 episodes left, I’m not sure what I’m going to do with my life.

I felt similarly lost and excited/sad as the Lord of the Rings movies came to a close. It’s different though, because I already knew how that story was going to end. I’ve only read the first GoT book, and from what I’ve heard they’ve strayed entirely from the books anyway, so I’m flying blind. As of last night, my check list of treasured characters is already down by one (ughhhh), and I know, I know, I know not to expect the best to come.

3 more episodes. 3 more weeks. If you need me, I’ll be in the corner fidgeting nervously.

*I mean, I’ve been there for all of Teen Mom but I don’t think I’ll feel even remotely the same when ever they decide to PULL THE PLUG ALREADY THE MOMS ARE PUSHING 30