Me: I just read a meme that said “you’re actually 9 months old when you’re born.” What the heck

Joel: what?

Me: So you could say everyone is 9 months older than they actually are.

Joel: it’s your birth day, not your life day.

Me: yeah but if life starts at the heart beat, then you spend 9 months living and growing inside the womb. So when you’re born, you’re already 9 months old. And what if life is actually chemical reactions and energy changing between cells? Then you could be living from the moment of conception.

Joel: you could argue that we’re alive even before then

Me: yeah, you’re in your dad’s swimmers. And his swimmers before him.

Me, 9 hours later: GOING FURTHER, you could say we also are alive before that. Because a woman is born with all the eggs she will ever have. So at one point, we were in our mother when she was in her mother, and our mother.

Joel: (stares)

Me: what if half of us is in our father, and the other half is in our mother, and the universe leads our father to our mother bc it knows the two halves will match?

Joel: but who’s leading the people together?

Me: not sure, some universal genetic deity?

Joel: what about babies born with deformities?

Me: maybe they defied the universal genetic deity and were punished.

Joel: but still, who is the deity?

Me: (stumped)

Stay tuned for universal genetic deity fan fiction.