“I’m going to email you a link, and all you need to do is click on the link, select join as a guest, type your name, and press join now.”

“Yep, just click on the link.”

“The link is the underlined purple sentence that says join meeting.”

“Great, now click Join as a Guest.”

“No, you shouldn’t need a log in. Click the back button on your browser.”

“Ok do you have an iPhone or Android?”

“There should be a back button on the top of the screen – ok good. Now select Join as a Guest.”

“Yes, type your name.”

“Were you able to type your name? No, it shouldn’t be asking you for a log-in, I think you chose the wrong option. So go back one page. We’ll get there, it’s all good.”

“Now select Join as a Guest. Try just typing in your initials.”

“Select yes to let the app use your camera. And audio. Great!”

“Excellent, I can see you now – yes, I see you are waiting I’m admitting you — yes, I am allowing you in the meeting.”

“Hi, can you hear me? I can only hear you through the phone. I believe your microphone is muted.”

“Oh no no, don’t worry! I’m here to help. At the bottom of the screen – do you see a bar come up with little icons on it? Symbols? There’s a clock, a camera, and a microphone? Click on the microphone.”

“Ok great now I can hear you. Can you please click on the camera icon?”

“At the bottom of the screen, in the bar with symbols on it? Do  you see the camera?”

“It’s second from the left.”

“The rectangle with a triangle coming out of it.”

“Yes, great. You can hear me and see me? Perfect! I’m going to hang up the phone now, you don’t do anything ok?”

“Hi, it’s me again. Haha, yes, I see you’ve left the meeting. No no I meant, I was hanging up our phone call. Can you click on the link again to join?”

“Yes, the link that I emailed you.”

“No, no, Join as a Guest.”

“Great, and click the camera and microphone symbols again.”

“Perfect, I can see and I can hear you. I told you we’d get there! I know, right? What a world we live in now. Oh, the other person has just let me know they’re running 10 mins late let me recycle the same anecdotes about how it got so chilly I took out all my sweaters and then it was 30* on Thursday, haha how about that weather at least one thing is staying the same during this hectic time and oh yeah its been quite a change working from home but boy is it nice to have my cat around she’s so sleepy all the time oh yes I’m from the States been here about 6 years and – oh ok we’re all here – can everyone hear and see each other? Great, I’ll exit now and see you all at the end. Thanks everyone!”

 

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

 

 

**This is not me complaining. I’m very lucky that my job that I can do remotely. It’s just very different than it was before. Before lockdown, my job was 99% face to face contact. The only app we used for teleconference (occasionally) was Skype and the most I knew how to do was look up contacts. Now we use at least 3.

This is a whole, brave new world and we’re all on training wheels. That sort of equalising is comforting, but it’s also frustrating when you feel like you should know all the answers. But, as my therapist would say – “don’t should all over yourself.”

And hey – I’m pretty sure by the end of this lock down, we will all hold doctorates in teleconferencing apps.

And how about that air quality? Sheewww.