What a world we lived in just last week. Continue reading “9 Days Later”
I was balancing my check book (lawl, what an old fashioned sentence – I did grow up balancing an actual check book. But now it means ‘checking my balance on the app’) when I saw that WordPress auto-charged me for my domain and plan renewal. My first thought (well, second, first was getting annoyed at an annual auto-payment that I always forget about and never set reminders for), was OH yeah, I have a blog. So today, I’m blowing off the dust and posting for the first time since November. In fact, when I pulled up my blog, the first thing I saw was a draft started in early December. Wheeee!
And now back to my
regularly scheduled lost blog, which was started in December, before I forgot all about it –
So why has audpodge fallen to the wayside? What the heck have I been up to? The answer is – a lot. But not all of it is exciting. Here’s a clip show summary of what happened this year:
2019 started off with me making a lot of personal goals and feeling really psyched about them. Things moved slowly, sorta de-railed, but eventually took a turn for the better/productive. It all started Feb/March, when the pieces finally came together in therapy and I had a break through. And then, possibly coincidentally, I broke my writer’s block. Both of these events brought about a surge of empowerment, and I felt different. I had a more positive outlook, and I just… kinda liked myself more. I had a few down periods, but I mostly felt like I was getting dangerously close to the realm of having my shit together. After nearly two months of back and forth, we finally figured out how we could afford to visit the States for my sister’s wedding in March, and my best friend Kristin bought tickets to come see me and the two of us were going to New Zealand in Nov/Dec. I was sticking closer to those goals I made in January than I had in years prior, and things were looking up.
On Thanksgiving (which was only 1 month ago but it may as well be 5 years ago), Kristin and I were in Auckland, NZ. We were eating a Thanks-Curry meal in our Air BnB and pledging to ourselves all the different ways we’d make 2020 the Year We Live Our Best Lives (or Reasonable Proxmity To Our Best Lives). Like, learning to live by a budget, making better health decisions, doing hard work to beat bad habits, etc. I got home a week later and decided, Fuck it, Why wait til 2020? I’m going to live my best life starting now.
You know how it’s always easy to imagine living your best life all the time when you’re on vacation and you’re in that golden limbo of being truly decompressed and distracted and free of 9-5 responsibilities? It’s such a good time to be alive.
I definitely spent the rest of December in a sweat pants wearing, Christmas prepping, re-runs watching black hole. But I used the Christmas break from work as a chance to regroup and really make a plan to get my shit together. Then I learned that 2020 is the Year of the Rat in the Chinese Zodiac, and it was the final sign I needed: I had already made a pledge with Kristin, I decided with every atom of my being that I wanted to make a change, and it was literally my year. I had to get my shit together.
So it was slow going, but by the end of the year, I had thinned out my closet to (mostly) the bare essentials, we had scraped together the most savings we’ve ever had, I had 90 pages written in my book, I had taken a trip with one of my best friends doing things I never thought I’d do, and I could look back and say to myself I did put myself out there more. I wasn’t perfect, not by a long shot. But I closed 2019 feeling really fucking good about myself, and that hasn’t happened in a long time.
And so, January rolled around, and the Year of Aud-Rat was primed and ready to commence. First, I saw my GP and got a referral to the exercise physiologist/physical trainer who works in my clinic. Second, I shared my plan with my therapist so she could hold me accountable. Third, I made plans to get a desk so I could have a dedicated writing space. Fourth, I narrowed my goals down to one primary goal each (personal, financial, health, writing).
flash forward to current day: March 9.
It’s been 10 weeks so far, I’ve been kicking a lot of Rat ass. I’ve been working out at least twice a week (one week I made it to 4 times – I was basically Jane Fonda); I’ve been writing almost every day (having the desk has been a major help); I’ve so far only had one shopping binge (half of it was returned); I’m more encouraging with myself and being more honest; I’ve been eating slightly less like a garbage can*, and I’ve been getting out of the house and doing something social at least once a week.
So (if you’re still with me after all this ego-inflation), this is where I’ve been: trying very hard to get my shit together.
We’re going to the States next week for my sister’s wedding, which means sweater weather, trash foods, mom’s cooking, hugs from friends, and a few days in a cabin in the woods for a mini-holiday within holiday. So provided we don’t get shot or infected with Corona virus**, we should return fat, sassy, and tired. I can’t wait.
*One of the smallest changes I’ve made that’s had the biggest impact is instituting a new morning routine. Over the Christmas break, I woke up one morning around 4AM and couldn’t go back to sleep. I decided to sit in the lounge and do some writing. I didn’t want to have coffee without Joel, so I just drank a bottle of cold water instead. Then I ate breakfast. Later when Joel woke up, we had coffee. The next morning, I did the same thing. I noticed when I started the day with cold water, I had a lot more energy throughout the day, my stomach didn’t react violently to coffee, and it made me want to drink more water throughout the day. It became a habit. Now, on most days I wake up early, I drink cold water, eat breakfast, and wait til I get to work to have my first cup of coffee. My stomach is definitely better, I don’t inhale my lunch in 5 seconds, my skin is better, and I don’t feel like a used sponge between 3:30-5:30PM.
So that’s my thing now: drinking water in the morning and eating breakfast. Whoda thunk it. It’s like all those doctors and the surgeon general were right.
**Our grocery store next door has been out of toilet paper, water, eggs, cooking oil, rice, flour, hand sanitizer, and pasta for the past week. Over the weekend someone got a knife pulled on them in the TP aisle over the last package. Seems like an excessive amount of panicking for a country with relatively few confirmed cases and thus far 0 deaths. /shakes head
Long time no see, audpodge!
Real Life and Real Writing and Real Feelings have once again conspired against me, but look out – I’m coming back. In blog form.
I went a month without posting!
I’ll be better.
So, last week sucked.
But that’s ok, sometimes shit sucks. I’ve written it off and I’m moving forward. Last week, I did nothing at all productive. I’m not kidding – absolutely nothing. Continue reading “Catchup.com”
I’m not always the swiftest fox in the bunch.
Sure, I can put furniture together like an engineer; I can get through James Joyce without a struggle; I can make a valid argument of post-modern failure from The Adventures of Pete and Pete; I’m a fantastic speller; I’m very good with cause and effect in all aspects of my life (Note; I am good at acknowledging and understanding that if I do that, then this will happen, even before I do this. I just cannot convince myself not to do this when this is faster/more efficient/etc because I have an impulse control problem); and I understand how to use semi-colons (rule 2: use to separate items in a list). But there are times when I’m just a bag of rocks. And yesterday was a doozy.
First, I woke up, and decided that my 2 days unwashed hair was totes appropriate for an office setting, even though I knew it wasn’t, but I really wanted to sleep for 20 more minutes. #1
Then I saw that it was cloudy. And not just cloudy with sun poking out so you know it won’t rain, but cloudy as in, it will rain in half an hour cloudy. I saw this and decided to wear a skirt, with stockings, and a pair of flats that were basically fabric glued to a thin piece of rubber. #2
Then, I wore a fake leather jacket instead of a rain coat, even though I knew it would rain and I didn’t have an umbrella, because the fake leather jacket matched better. #3
Next, I forgot my lunch, which was bad because I’m scraping pennies together at this point. I realized I forgot my lunch when I was half way down the stairs, but I was too lazy to back to get it. #4
Also, I looked at my boss’ outlook calendar (called a “diary” here) and I said she couldn’t do something because she’d be in Canberra. Except she’d be in Canberra on Wednesday, and I was looking at Tuesday, and she was asking about something she could do today, which was Monday. I did this twice. #5
After, I went to lunch. It was dark and cloudy. Decided I’d be able to make it a block and a half to Subway without an umbrella. Ended up buying an umbrella because there was a torrential downpour when I left Subway. #6
Then, I got back from lunch, put my phone on the desk, and went to the bathroom. Came back from the bathroom and thought “Where is my phone?” I looked all over my desk, didn’t see it. Almost freaked out, and then saw it right in front of me. #7
Later, I was trying to hail a cab, in the rain, and found one coming my way. I signaled him, with all my Carrie Bradshaw fury, and he pulled in and stopped in front of me. I ran out, and opened the door. The woman inside the cab looked HORRIFIED and then I looked HORRIFIED as I said sorry and closed the door and ran back to the sidewalk. I hadn’t even seen that his light wasn’t on. Or that he had gotten into the turn lane, which was right in front of me. Mortified doesn’t even cover it. #8
Then, I decided that the best place to wait for my GoCatch cab was a dark street where no less than 6 methy looking strangers passed me. #9
Next, I was at our friend Aaron’s for a work meeting. Joel sent me a text that there was a storm coming. “Oh it’ll be ok,” I thought. at 8:15, I thought “maybe I should get home, it is coming down harder.” at 8:30, it was hailing and raining so hard we couldn’t hear ourselves talk anymore. “Oh, it’ll clear up soon. Storms don’t last long.” 45 minutes later, it was finally safe to leave. Holy crap. Then, the Anzac bridge was flooded, and it took an hour for us to get over it. I fell asleep in the cab twice in that hour. It was 10PM and $65 later before I got home. #10
Thankfully, that’s where the idiot day stopped. I came home, frozen and drenched, put on sweats (that Joel had ready and waiting for me), ate pasta (that he also made and had waiting for me), and fell into a sleep coma.
Sheeit, man. Some days.