April Thus Far

So who is waiting to wrap a big fat DONE ribbon around April, quietly put it on the shelf and just pretend it didn’t happen? *raises hand*

I can’t remember a month where I’ve felt more – fragile – I guess is the best word. Hence the sporadic appearances here and everywhere else in the social spectrum. It’s been a tough few weeks. I’ve been on the receiving end of more pep talks than I have in years. But I’m happy to say that being more proactive and attentive to what I need has been helping immensely, so I’m just taking it day by day.

BUT – April hasn’t been all bad! For one thing, we watched so many episodes of My 600lb Life that I think I’m *thiiiiiis* close to cutting out all processed foods from my life. Joel has become Head Chef around here and we’ve never eaten better. I’ve been able to skype/Facetime/phone date with many of my nearest and dearest. And my most favourite person had a birthday. We celebrated with a doughnut cake, Game of Thrones, and a night with friends… and a resulting Friday night of pizza and sweatpants recovery.

Annnnd we just had an awesome three day weekend of good food, good movies (ok, and some terrible movies), and relax times (and let’s face it, obsessive cleaning and rearranging #stressed) in honour of ANZAC Day.


So here’s to the last few days of April – fingers crossed that it all starts to shape up.


On Unemployment

After two weeks of holiday bliss, Joel has gone back to work. Which now means, I have to go back to work.

/sad trumpet

I’ve been pretty fortunate in my life that I’ve only been unemployed twice. And both of those instances coincided with me moving. And, as I’ve moved once again, I face the daunting task of job hunting. Fun!

My new view on life.
My new view on life.

And if Job Hunting in your own country is fun, you should try it as a Non-Resident. I’m facing some hurdles. Mostly that my Work and Holiday visa only lets me work at any job for 6 months at a time, which means I’m limited to retail, food service, or contract work. I haven’t worked retail in about 8 years, and I haven’t worked food service at all. Second, it appears as though most stores have already finished hiring for the holidays.  I applied to about 14 different places online, and I went out yesterday to drop my resume off at bookstores and other shops in the mall, but only once place took my application without telling me “We’ll keep you on file.”

Not having the security of a job gives me a prolonged anxiety attack. And leaving Joel to bear the brunt of the financial burden while I’m jobless notches up that anxiety attack. I know he’s happy to help me while I’m looking for a job, and I’m thankful for that, but free-loading makes me uncomfortable (which stands in direct contrast to my Peter Gibbons like dream of doing absolutely nothing).
I know I don’t have the right to complain yet. It’s only the start of Day 3, and I have a lot of searching help from Joel (and even some of his family members). And I still have savings. But, my savings are to keep me afloat in an emergency situation–not for every day living. I keep having flash backs to 2012, when I ran out of savings and blithely sent off resumes as I lived off my credit cards. And by “lived off my credit cards,” I mean, shopped endlessly for clothes and bedding and going out every other night and buying expensive plane tickets and electronics. Then I curl up in fetal position eating donuts and watching Sex and the City.

I have to keep reminding myself that I was a different person then. In 2012, I was depressed and hating myself and I couldn’t find any real motivation to make things better. Things are definitely different this time around. Yes, I’m wearing sweat pants and watching Sex and the City and I’m blogging, but this time, there’s about 99% less self-hatred*! And even though I’m in a different country, I have to make moves. It’s time to hustle, Kanye style.

After all, I came out here with a purpose, and that purpose is to make a life with Joel. And that won’t happen if I stay in bed glued to HBOGO.

You know, as much as I’d like it to be.

Stay tuned!

*that lingering 1% is because I still want to watch SATC. One day, maybe, I’ll be able to evolve past my terrible guilty pleasures.