Audcooks – Page 2 – Audpodge and Blither Blather

Thankschicken

Published on November 28, 2015February 10, 2017 by audrey5 Comments

So, on Friday, Joel and I celebrated our ~~Thanksgiving,~~ ~~ThanksFriday~~, Thankschicken. As noted earlier, I was determined to make this year’s dinner a good one, and as close to how we do it back in the States, and we succeeded – grandly! I had the planning under control – menu set and recipes bookmarked on Tuesday; shopping done on Wednesday; pie made on Thursday; on Friday, chicken cooked first, then potatoes when there’s 40 mins left, casserole and pumpkin when there’s 20 mins left. But when I got home on Friday I was hit with a wave of cramps and a PMS cloud (hooray) and everything felt out of control and I honestly felt like throwing in the towel and getting Pizza Hut. Thankfully Joel stepped in got the ball moving.

There was an overestimated guess of oven space which resulted in menu items being scrapped (so long, hasselback potatoes and take n bake bread); OMG CHICKEN WILL BE DONE IN 20 MINUTES AND I HAVEN’T MADE THE SIDES panic; panic when the chicken took an hour and a half longer than planned; a bit too much wine and a bit too much panic led to over-salting my famous green bean casserole and accidentally swapping the cheese and onion layer; a destroyed kitchen; feeling a food and wine coma so hard it felt like death was near. It definitely felt like Thanksgiving. The only things missing were a huge family fight and that one relative who gets drunk and says awkward things before he passes out in front of the football game.

And here’s what it looked like!

Thursday night pie prepping: I was going to make crust from scratch, but I decided to tone down the ambition and just use frozen. My grocery store doesn’t carry pre-made shells, but they do carry “short cut” pastry, which is square. So I just used two shells and melded them together in the corners. I didn’t get that fancy lattice look, but I had crust, so that counts. And Joel suggested we use the leftover crust and pie filling to make pumpkin pie rolls, which was basically the best idea Joel’s ever had.

I did have to run to the store at 9 PM in my pajamas and flip flops to grab eggs… sometimes planning doesn’t go exactly as planned. And sometimes the Woolies employees will look at you like you’re homeless.

DSCF2923 — working the crust, basically am Julia Child

DSCF2925 — Have you ever wanted to swim in something and just eat your way out?

DSCF2936 — Pumpkin Pie rolls: Joel gets the gold star for Thanksgiving

DSCF2937 — knife came out clean on the first try – a first

First up on Friday: lemon herb roasted chicken. I’d never roasted a chicken before, so I was incredibly nervous about getting it right, as there’s nothing worse than dry chicken. So I was messaging my parents all morning for tips, when Joel mentioned that he’d basically roasted hundreds of chickens in his time, and is a roast master. So I let him take the chicken helm. #problemsolved

DSCF2947 — It’s kinda pretty, if you don’t think of it as shit stuffed inside a dead bird

DSCF2973 — Then we went Paula Deen on that beast #butterbath

DSCF2970 — We thanked the chicken and honored it for being our dinner as we massaged the butter into it – anything to prevent it from drying out

DSCF2975 — I mostly love this image because I look like a GIANT WO-MAN in a dwarf’s kitchen

DSCF2979 — At this point I had to shove the roasting pan in – as I forgot that our roasting pan is just a wee bit bigger than our oven

We set the oven for 90 minutes and went on to other prep! Including whipped cream – last time I tried to make it here, I used thickened cream and icing sugar and whisked it for 15 minutes with nothing happening – except me eating the mixture with a spoon.

DSCF2991 — Make sure the extra thickened cream is ice cold, add icing sugar and beat with mixer. #yayaya

Then it was time to drink wine and have some hang times!

When the timer for the chicken went off, we jumped up to hurriedly get the sides items made. And of course, in the time it took to get them made, put in the oven, and baked, the chicken still wasn’t done. OF COURSE NOT. And that’s when I learned a valuable lesson: roast chicken recipes tell you to tie the legs together not because it looks cool, but because it makes the chicken cook faster.

DSCF3010 — I’m used to making double or triple batches of GB casserole – not 1/2. It was scary. And much too salty.

Screen Shot 2015-11-28 at 5.22.59 PM — Frying up the macademia nuts before throwing them in with the pumpkin to roast

DSCF2998 — Prepping the pumpkin – more #butterbath

When the chicken was done – almost 3 hours after we put it in – the onions at the base were incinerated, every inch of our apartment smelled of delicious roast chicken, and it was almost 10 PM (no, I didn’t want to have dinner on Saturday when we had more time to cook. I wanted it to be as close to the actual holiday as possible… even if it meant eating super late. haha)

DSCF3017 — Master Chicken Carver – also, incinerated onions.

We ate so much between the time I got home and the time we finished dinner that there was no room for pie – something I didn’t think was actually possible.

This morning, I woke up at 4 feeling like I drank the Dead Sea, a blistering red wine headache, and the smell of roast chicken STILL hanging in every room, now making me queasy. It took a fair bit of time to clean up the kitchen (no way in hellll that it was getting done last night), but then it was time for tea and the best part of Thanksgiving: Pie for breakfast.

and later, the second best part of Thanksgiving: leftovers for days.

I always spent my Thanksgivings outside of the kitchen, wine glass in hand, hanging around with relatives and snacking. So I’ve always loved it and I never understood why people hate it and get so stressed out – but now I know. If you’re in charge of the cooking, it’s pretty stressful, as I had a couple of moments when I thought “fuck, it’s all ruined” and I had Joel helping me and it was just the two of us so there was no (obvious, company oriented) pressure. I imagine it’s easier if you have two ovens and a dishwasher, but yeah. I have a new found respect for people who host. And I kinda want to go back in time and help my mom more in the kitchen on the big day.

Maybe next year we’ll just have tacos.

I remain thankful for my supportive and loving family and friends, my new job, the roof over our heads, wi-fi, modern science, tooth brushes, the fact that I have yet to be slaughtered or kidnapped, and Joel, my biggest cheer leader and roast chicken master. I have more blessings than I can count (one being my parents sent me two boxes full of Thanksgiving food prep and two being Joel picked up both boxes from the post office).

I hope everyone had a fabulous Thanksgiving! And that everyone survived Black Friday (and didn’t steal anything out of the hands of children)

Thanksgiving – already?

Published on November 22, 2015November 22, 2015 by audrey2 Comments

I feel like it isn’t November yet. In fact, I’m still thinking it’s early October and I’m confidently telling Joel I want to plan a big Thanksgiving party this year, knowing I have 8 weeks to get my shit together.

Well, well, Thanksgiving is actually this week, and I didn’t realize it until yesterday morning. I did what I always did and filed “Big T-Day Party” away in the “this will sort itself out” pile and went about my business.

Party or no party – I am bound and determined to have a better holiday this year. Last year, I spent the first three weeks of November fruitlessly going to job interviews and fretting every day about my shrinking savings account, and I finally scored a job in the week before Thanksgiving. Needless to say, planning a big dinner was the furthest thing from my mind. I was also deeply homesick, a bit hungover, Joel was working late and drained from it, and I had no idea where to buy stuff or what to cook. So I settled on a rotisserie chicken, frozen veg, mashed potatoes, packaged gravy and a subpar box of brownies with ice cream. And tap water. Joel got home around 8 and we watched American tv on my laptop because our TV was broken. He was super cheerful and the spirit of Thanksgiving was there, but the food wasn’t.

This year, though. This year will be different. I’m a bit more savvy in the kitchen, and a bit more savvy about where to shop. I’m still not at the “make an entire Thanksgiving meal by myself” stage, but yesterday morning we thought up an awesome meal that I’m pretty excited about:

lemon herb roasted chicken (our oven is way too small for a turkey)
spinach salad with feta cheese and roast pumpkin and macadamia nuts
my famous green bean casserole
sliced & baked potatoes (my own experiment – I’m pretty excited)
Garlic Turkish bread with herbed butter (I thought about pull apart rolls with honey butter, but the salad is sweet and garlic Turkish bread is so good)
pumpkin pie for dessert

Since it’s not a holiday here, I don’t get a day off, so we’re having Thanksgiving on Friday, so I have more time to cook and hang out. A late dinner on Friday, with wine and cheese and cracker appetizers while the chicken roasts and the other dishes bake. I’m also drawing up a time line of shopping and when to bake what and fantasizing about setting the table. I’m really excited!

Last year, I just let the holidays happen to me. It was my first year doing both Thanksgiving and Christmas without my family (i.e. I didn’t have someone making my plans for me), so between work and finances they both just kinda slipped on by. This year, we’re looking forward to making them count. I love Thanksgiving, and I’m bound and determined to make this an awesome day for us.

ALL THE FINGERS CROSSED that I can stick to this plan, and we don’t end up eating KFC.

Caramel Slice of Awesome

Published on October 13, 2015October 13, 2015 by audrey1 Comment

Part biscuit. Part caramel chew. Part chocolate bar. 100% life changing. This, my friends, is the tale of the Caramel Slice. Aka Millionaires Shortbread.

The first time I saw a caramel slice in a cafe fridge, I thought it was a piece of peanut butter pie with chocolate topping. I fantasized about buying one every time I passed the cafe, until Joel told me it was caramel, not peanut butter. That stopped the fantasies right then and there, because I like caramel as much as I like math… which is to say, not in the fucking slightest. So I put it out of my mind. Until one day, when Joel came home with one. And I tried a bit. Soft, crumbly biscuit base, fudgey center that didn’t taste all that much like caramel, and smooth milk chocolate topping. Not bad at all. But still, I wasn’t sold. It was good, but nothing to write home about.

A few weeks later, my boss had a sweet craving, and asked me to pick her up a ‘slice. The cafe near work was selling them two for $5, so I got one for her, and one for Joel. I stashed Joel’s in the fridge, where it haunted me. Soft, Crumbly Cookie. Gooey Fudge. Delicious Chocolate. Yum. The slice barely made it home uneaten. And since that day, I’ve been obsessed. It’s my favourite Aussie treat, ever. And on Sunday, I took a stab at making them!

Which is great, because I needed another reason to gain 15 lbs.

DSCF2689 — The most exotic ingredient you’ll need is desiccated coconut. Or golden syrup. Or dark chocolate. I guess it depends on what you think of as ‘exotic.’

DSCF2691 — The recipe calls for a parchment paper lined pan, but I used the butter/flour method, and nothing stuck.

DSCF2692 — Sunday’s apron brought to you by GOOGLY EYE CAT NATION

DSCF2696 — Baking is infinity times better with my birthday scale.

DSCF2697 — Mix the brown sugar, coconut, flour and melted butter, and vanilla.

DSCF2700 — once combined, press into the bottom of the pan. Take a moment to appreciate the beauty of a giant block-o-butter

DSCF2706 — I got crazy and decided to double up the base, because it’s the best part (in my opinion). I love carbs.

DSCF2709 — yummmmm. Put it in the oven and bake for 10 mins.

DSCF2711 — over low heat, mix condensed milk, butter, vanilla and brown sugar. Stir constantly for 10-15 mins and you’ll have your caramel filling!

DSCF2714 — stir. Stir forever. Stir until your arms go numb.

DSCF2716 — Remember, dont over bake your base, and don’t bake it in an oven 10* higher than the recipe calls for. Both of which I did. So my base is crunchy on the edges, but soft in the middle. Learn from me, folks!

DSCF2717 — Pour the caramel over the base, and bake for 10-15 mins more, until caramel starts to bubble on the edges, and turns a slightly darker color.

DSCF2718 — mmm, spongey. Now, let it cool COMPLETELY, for 1-2 hours. You can use this time to catch up on housework. Or call loved ones. Or watch *Gossip Girl.* The choice is yours.

DSCF2720 — Orrrr, you could chop up chocolate! I used two parts dark (70% cocoa) to one part milk. Next time, I’m using two parts milk to one part dark.

Melt butter and chocolate in a heat proof bowl over simmering water. Or, a double boiler. I don't have a heat proof bowl, so I improvised. — Melt butter and chocolate in a heat proof bowl over simmering water. Or, a double boiler. I don’t have a heat proof bowl, so I improvised.

DSCF2721 — Voila! Double boiler – so science.

DSCF2749 — Spread it over the COMPLETELY COOLED (can’t emphasize this enough) caramel filling, smoothing it out with the back of a spoon.

DSCF2750 — Chill for at least an hour in the fridge. Watch some more Gossip Girl.

Screen Shot 2015-10-13 at 9.54.01 PM — And when the chocolate has set… you have a delicious treat.

So go on… treat yo’self. You’ll never think of caramel the same way again.

Caramel Slice (from sbsfoods.com.au)

Base
110 g (¾ cup) plain flour
½ tsp baking powder
30 g (⅓ cup) desiccated coconut
75 g (⅓ cup, firmly packed) brown sugar
80 g butter, melted
1 tsp natural vanilla essence or extract

Caramel filling
395 g tin (14 oz can) sweetened condensed milk
110 g (½ cup, firmly packed) brown sugar
1 tbsp golden syrup
40 g (3 tablespoons) butter, cubed

Chocolate topping
200 g (7 oz) good-quality dark eating chocolate (70% cocoa), chopped
30 g (2 tablespoons) butter, cubed
75 g (3 oz) good-quality milk eating chocolate

Preheat oven to 180°C (350*F). Grease a 16 cm x 26 cm (long and shallow) shallow slice tin and line the base and sides with one piece of non-stick baking paper, cutting into the corners to fit.

BASE
Combine the flour, baking powder, desiccated coconut and brown sugar in a medium bowl. Add the butter and vanilla and mix well. Crumble evenly over the base of the lined tin and use your hands to press down firmly and cover evenly. Bake in preheated oven for 12-15 minutes or until cooked through and lightly golden. Remove from the oven.

FILLING
Meanwhile, to make the caramel filling, combine the sweetened condensed milk, brown sugar, golden syrup and butter in a small saucepan and cook over a low heat, stirring constantly, for 10 minutes, or until the sugar dissolves and the mixture thickens slightly (do not boil).

Pour the hot caramel immediately over the base and use the back of a metal spoon to smooth the surface. Return the slice to the oven and bake for 10 minutes or until the caramel has darkened slightly and starts to bubble around the edges. Remove from the oven and set aside for 1 hour or until cooled completely.

CHOCOLATE TOPPING
Combine the dark chocolate and butter in a medium heatproof bowl over a saucepan of simmering water (don’t let the water touch the base of the bowl) and stir frequently until the chocolate melts and the mixture is smooth. Pour over the cooled slice and use the back of a metal spoon to cover evenly. Place in the fridge for 1 hour or until the chocolate sets (see Baker’s tips).

Cut into 20 pieces to serve.

Eat 7. While wearing sweatpants and watching Gossip Girl.

Catchup.com – Awwwgust Spring

Published on September 6, 2015October 11, 2015 by audreyLeave a comment

Happy September, everyone!

Well, August just crapped on by didn’t it? It feels like August was like, 2 weeks long.

Let’s see what we’ve been up to…

This month, Joel and I started making a big vat of chicken, veggies, and rice stirfry (and peanuts sometimes!) on Sunday night, and packing our lunches for the week. The first three days I was like “seriously? Chicken and rice again?” but now it’s not a big deal. And since we aren’t taking dinner left overs for lunch anymore, our dinners stretch further. Now we’re only making 2 or 3 additional meals, not 5 or 6. It’s cut down on our groceries bill, take out lunches almost never happened (I forgot my lunch once – whoops), and neither of us have had food poisoning (although we’ve started the “new rice after 3rd day” rule). We’ve switched up the stir fry sauces and used hokkien noodles instead of rice a couple times, but overall, it’s the best meal plan step we’ve made. And the cost for a week of lunches = $15.00; $13 if we make our own stir fry sauce. Not too shabby.

Joel took family photos for our Nye family friends, which meant a day of hanging at the studio with pals and adorable kiddos, and an evening of building legos with the other Henri in my life, and holding 3 month old Amelie. Holding a sweet sweet baby in our apartment while watching Star Wars and hanging with pals? My biological clock maybe went into overdrive by about a gajillion. Let’s not even talk about catching Joel giving Amelie a tiny kiss on the top of her head.

and seriously, high 5 to Craig who will only let his kids watch the un-retouched version of the trilogy. High 5.

Joel took a two week staycation holiday a the beginning of the month, and we might have had a couple days where we didn’t move from the couch. Which was fine by me. It was so good to have him home and happy for so long – even if it did make me incredibly jealous. haha. And if you haven’t had caramel milk, then you should. You don’t know what you’re missing*.

I woke up from a dream in which I made a cake from scratch. I was low on funds, and we’ve been trying hard not to eat sugary desserts every day, but I really wanted to make a cake. So I looked through my trusty Back in the Day Bakery cookbooks and picked out the Baby Party Cake with Buttercream frosting. Joel gave me $20 and I ran off to the store to buy flour and butter because I knew I was running low. But it wasn’t until all the butter was measure out, the eggs separated, and flours and powders sifted that I realized I was short on sugar by a whole cup. D’OH. After an emergency google, I substituted with raw sugar.

Then I read that I needed to whip the egg whites into peaks, but I didn’t have a second mixing bowl, or a second mixer, and my beaters were coated with cake batter that looked like cookie dough. I was going to skip the step, but then I remembered that women in the 1800’s made cakes with a whisk and their arm muscles. So I whisked egg whites for 10 [excruciating] minutes and sure enough, peaks formed. And as I folded them into my cookie dough, it almost immediately turned into silky cake batter. hu-fucking-zah.

I've never touched an egg yolk that wasn't runny before. These yolks were squishballs and I could juggle with them. Free range grain fed eggs forever. — I’ve never touched an egg yolk that wasn’t runny before. These yolks were squishballs and I could basically juggle with them. Free range grain and hormone free forever.

Then, my brain deflated. First, I stared at a mixing bowl filled with powdered sugar and cubed butter and thought “this doesn’t seem right. If I mix this, I’ll get a powdered sugar bomb.” And I realized quickly that I forgot to beat the butter and milk first. Whoops. So I fished the butter out, emptied the powdered sugar, and poured in the milk. How much milk? About 3x the amount I needed. So, after using an entire bag of icing sugar and some corn starch, the icing was still runny. Hind sight tells me I should have added more butter and just doubled the recipe so it would have solidified, but I only just now thought of it. And I ended up with green icing.

I was really not looking forward to eating the cake. It smelled yum, but the process and the icing made me think it was going to be a dried out mess.

Ohhhhh, was I wrong. It was the best cake I’ve ever had. It was the big cake version of their Old Fashioned Cupcake, which was life changing. So, I dubbed this cake Calamity Cake. It took us a week to eat it (will power was strong), and if I could make another one today, I would. Except I’d make sure I have all the ingredients first.

Gallery hangin - it's been at least 2 months, and the pictures haven't fallen yet. SCORE. — Gallery hangin – it’s been at least 2 months, and the pictures haven’t fallen yet. SCORE.

Our gallery wall, which we first hung in like, May? Fell within two weeks. Now, to hang photos on our cement walls, we have to use adhesive backed hooks and sticky tack. First, the adhesive has to dry on the hook for 24 hours. Then, it takes a lot of measuring and planning and measuring and planning and then sticking the adhesive hooks and hoping they were in the spot you want them to be in. Then it takes at least 2 weeks for the hooks to cure to the wall before you can hang the frames. Then you have to sticky tack the corners of the frames for extra support. It’s a long process. I just wanted the frames up, and we were tired and just wanted it done, so we skipped the measure/plan/measure/plan step and just fixed the hooks wherever and decided to move the frames around until it looked good. So that’s my long winded explanation about why the frames aren’t evenly spaced and why we don’t have a print in that long brown frame yet. Normally the spacing would drive me crazy. But, a) it’s finally a gallery wall and b) it’s so much better than staring at a white wall.

book readin' (what a sweet surprise gift! I've been reading Shirley Jackson since I was 10. love, love, love her, and the SJ bond I share with my mom) — book readin’

I went to the post office to get what I thought would be the FBI background check for my visa, but I also got a surprise package from my mom. Mom introduced me to Shirley Jackson when I was 9 or 10, and I’ve been in love ever since. I have well worn and well read copies of Life Among the Savages and Raising Demons in my books at home. Most people don’t know that in addition to writing horror stories, she wrote hilarious accounts of her time raising four children and trying to be a house wife. So good.

visa finishing – FINALLY. After many theatrics and dollars spent, my finger prints have been submitted. My medical exam is done. NOW all I have to do is wait. Wait, and wait, and wait. And I’m very much looking forward to not having to spend any more money on it.
Work – someone here made a big decision about his career, and I couldn’t be more proud or excited for him.
It’s officially been a year since I moved from the States. Which means it’s been a year since I’ve driven a car, hugged my family, eaten McDonalds, or lived with air conditioning.

And the views weren’t too shabby

And now it’s September! It’s spring, I’m recovering from stomach flu, I’ve been in Sydney for a year now, and we’re on the track for a good month. Fingers crossed errryone!

*I’m a milk fan, which is great, because people here drink milk like it’s water. And so, there are heaps of flavours to choose from. Yuummmm

the cookies that almost weren’t

Published on August 1, 2015August 1, 2015 by audrey1 Comment

Because this winter has been expensive, I’ve decided to curb all unnecessary spending for a while. Which, unfortunately means no more spending heaps on butter, sugar, baking bits, and baking supplies. And that really sucks, because when I’m at home, hanging out, all I want to do is bake. Like, I think I have a biological cookie clock that starts ticking around 11 AM every Saturday. Even if it’s just to make the World’s Best Chocolate Chip cookie, or a pre-packaged pumpkin bread, I need to bake something.

This is where my mom comes in. For Christmas, she and dad sent Joel and me a few boxes of cake and cookie mixes. Being that it was the middle of summer and I was loathe to turn the oven on if I didn’t have to, so I didn’t get around to baking. Later on in the year, I was making everything from scratch, so the boxes stayed in the cabinet, tucked away for emergencies. And last week, when my Bake-ological Clock started, I considered it an emergency.

So I grabbed the package of Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Cupcakes, because I had just enough butter and eggs. First problem: I don’t have a cupcake tin, so I would have to make a cake – no big deal. Second: it came with cinnamon creme frosting, which required 2 cups of powdered sugar – which I only had barely 1 cup. I literally didn’t have enough money to go out and buy more, and instead of just making half the frosting, I thought I’d wing it and do what Google suggested – blend together corn starch and sugar. I didn’t have a blender or a food processor, so I thought mixing it might do the trick. yeeeeah. After I cleaned up the cloud of corn starch dust that blew everywhere, I was left with, basically, slippery sugar. I added it to the frosting mix, and ultimately got a gritty sugar paste. Lesson learned: if you only have half the ingredients, just make a half recipe.

The pie was still good. And that’s all that counts.

I give you, "Pumpkin Sugar Grit." — I give you, “Pumpkin Sugar Grit.”

Today, I decided to make the Ugly Christmas Sweater sugar cookies she sent. Christmas in August! Yay!

I emptied the box, and was a bit skeptical.

After baking from scratch, pre-mixed ingredients look somewhat unholy

And I decided to make woodland creatures and dionsaurs, in addition to ugly sweaters.

The directions on the box stated “combine cookie mix, 1 egg, and 4 tablespoons room temperature butter with mixer on low speed.” I waited til the butter was room temp, and added it – looking more skeptical.

I folded in the mix with the egg and butter as much as I could, and then took it to the mixer, hoping this wouldn’t happen. But then it did:

DSCF2161 — Flour bomb. It had to be the one day I wasn’t wearing a sassy apron. Also, twice in one week – flat learning curve.

The next step on the back of the box said to spread the dough on a lightly floured surface:

Yeah. It was basically cake dough. And the more I tried to form it, the stickier it got.

I was about to call the whole thing off, and just throw the dough out, when Joel gave it a shot:

We ended up with 3 blobs and a squirrel, all covered in “100s of 1000s” or, as they’re called in the States, nonpareils. 100s of 1000s is much cuter.

But they turned out great! Fluffy, and surprisingly not a single over baked spot on the bottom. Actually, thinking back, they tasted like those store bought, frosted sugar cookies. Like the ones made in Target’s bakery and always have some sort of super sugary seasonal icing on them. But still, not bad.

And thus, team work made the dream work. The dream of cookies.

Tune in tomorrow for another round of Broke Bakers.

A tale of two porks

Published on June 17, 2015June 17, 2015 by audrey2 Comments

The pork tenderloin variety, not of the paid adult programming variety.

When it comes to cooking, I have a tendency to run before I can crawl, which is probably a response to years and years of being too scared to make anything more challenging than a grilled cheese. But, I’ve been pushing myself in the kitchen this year, and more often than not, the results are delicious, and my kitchen hasn’t been lit on fire. Even if I did leave the oven on all night that one time*.

So one day at work, I found a recipe for Crispy Roast Pork amidst some content work for one of our websites. And I remembered how delicious pork crackling was that time Joel’s dad made it.

Salt roasted pork is basically a heart attack. The fatty top slab of the pork is rubbed with coarse salt, and then blasted with high heat to crisp the fatty skin, and then roasted for about an hour to make the bottom juicy while the top gets crispier. The desired effect is a top fatty crust that sounds like it “crackles” and shatters as you bite into it. Hence, pork “crackle.” It’s typically served with a pork belly, but I can’t handle the squishy texture of the belly meat. But, the salty crackle combined with juicy pork meat is to die for. What I researched told me that a pork shoulder is better to use if you can’t use belly, but I’ve never cooked a pork shoulder without a slow-cooker. But I’ve made roast tenderloin before and it was amazing. So I went with what I knew.

I rushed to Google, who confirmed kinda weakly that tenderloin skin can crisp up with the best of them, if that’s all you’ve got. And all it took to make the dish was salt, a roasting pan, and an oven capable of reaching 240*C.

I HAD ALL THOSE THINGS.

So, riding this wave of kitchen successes, I Googled some more until I found a credible recipe that didn’t involve bean curd marinade, and I set off to the butcher. One of the great things about living here is that I’m never too far away from an independent butcher or an self-stocked local farmer fruit stand. In face, I pass by both when I’m going by either the grocery store near work, or the grocery store near home. The reason I don’t stop there is pure laziness. Neither place takes debit cards, and most days I’ll be damned if I have to make one more stop than I have to, so I’ll go where I can get everything all at once. It’s a shitty habit, I know, especially considering the food quality is so much better at the independent stands.

But, I digress.

The butcher, near my office is an older guy named Bill, dressed in a white chef’s shirt and who talks like butchers from the b&w era. He was incredibly friendly and informative, and told me to come back after work because he was waiting for a “pork delivery.” When I came back, he had cut and scored a piece of tenderloin specifically for my needs. He even gave me tips on how to cook it, and threw in some scrap pieces on the house. As I was paying for it, he insisted I come back on Monday to tell him how it went. I was a little overwhelmed by his friendliness, and for a moment he made me think I was living down south in the mountains again, where friendliness with strangers is a daily occurrence. But I walked away thinking, if that’s how nice grocery shopping can be, then I’ll definitely be coming back. Maybe he can make me some American-style cuts of bacon…

Oh my god. I’m going back tomorrow.

ANYWAY.

So I bring the pork home, and it’s beautiful. And there’s no weird pork smell that I’ve noticed with grocery store pork. I rubbed it dry, massaged it with a bit of olive oil and salt, sang to it, had a photo shoot with it, rubbed it some more, and then put it to bed in the fridge so the fat rind could soak up all the salt.

I wore my good sweats for this shoot. #fridaynight

The next night, I took it out of the fridge and rubbed it again, coaxed it again, and salted it again. Joel cut up onions and apples, and we layered them in the bottom of the pan before putting the roasting rack with ol’Salty on top.

Let's talk about salt, baby — Let’s talk about salt, baby

Then we shoved the roasting pan in the oven–literally, it almost didn’t fit and I would have cried–and proceeded to wait over an hour while it roasted.

Here’s where we didn’t plan. We were slugging about all day, and we had a big breakfast so we weren’t particularly hungry for lunch, and therefore, lunch was skipped. And we weren’t hungry until the roast had 30 mins to go. And without knowing, we got hangry. And there were no snacks, at all. Except for a bag of candy that Joel found, which we inhaled. And then we inhaled the rest of the peanut better cookie bits. And then there was only 12 minutes left on the roast, and I wasn’t nearly as hungry. And I was all daaaaamn.

By the time we sat down to eat, I wasn’t hungry. I had filled up on last minute sugar impulse. I wasted $35 of pork for Starburst Jellies and week old peanut butter cookies.

et voila. Maybe next time I'll be hungry :( — et voila. Maybe next time I’ll be hungry 😦

That kinda coloured the rest of the meal. The pork was tender and tasted like a tenderloin, but the crackle was too much on chewy and too short on crackle. But, I blame myself. It probably would have been mind blowing if I had had an appetite.

you vile temptresses. Also, I ate 97% of these cookies over the week because Joel doesn't like peanut butter desserts. Sucks to be him! — you vile temptresses. Also, I ate 97% of these cookies over the week because Joel doesn’t like peanut butter desserts. Sucks to be him!

I felt really guilty and shitty about it, like I ruined the meal. Because I did. And it wasn’t the first time I’ve done it. One day. One day I’ll learn the valuable lesson of “no sweets before dinner.”

The next day, I wasn’t sure what to do with the rest of the pork. Mom suggested simmering it in BBQ sauce and shredding it, and I was all “why didn’t I think of that!” I simmered it in a combo of BBQ suave and yellow mustard until the meat became tender. Because it was tenderloin, it didn’t shred very well, but I was able to cut it up pretty small, and I served it over mashed potatoes, and topped it all with roasted corn and tomato relish.

That corn reminds me of loose teeth. Or lotus pod skin. I can't stop staring at it. But it was good! — That corn reminds me of loose teeth. Or lotus pod skin. I can’t stop staring at it. But it was good!

It was BBQ mash just slopped into a bowl, it looked like hot sick, and honestly, it was so much better than the meal I was excited for a whole week to make. And it made Patton Oswalt proud. Go figure.

My take aways from my weekend in pork?

Always eat lunch or snack through out the day when you know dinner will take 1.5 hours to cook.
Don’t turn Hoover on sugar and chemicals when you’ve spent heaps on dinner.
Pork tastes better with a marinade. Or when roasted over a bed of onion, apple, and some chicken broth.
Aluminium foil lining the roasting tray didn’t make clean up a snap.
Butcher meat is the best meat.

Onward to the next meat adventure!

*jokes. One of us knocked the dial by accident and noticed a few minutes later. The oven wasn’t even warm.

Meal Planning. Or, not eating beyond our means.

Published on April 19, 2015April 19, 2015 by audrey3 Comments

On Friday, we made a last minute decision to order in Chinese. Last minute as in, we had bee watching Better Call Saul for the better part of 5 hours when we suddenly hit a hangry crisis. After vaguely assessing what food we had in the kitchen, and realizing most things would need defrosting or other components of food we didn’t have, we landed on Chinese. Again. For the second Friday in a row.

After we placed our order, we realized that we did have provisions for emergency meals–like 3 different meals. And then we came to the stark realization of just how much money we have spent on eating out in the last two weeks. And then I thought of how much I’ve spent on eating out in the last two weeks.

And suddenly I wasn’t hangry or hungry or anything. I felt a bit like an addict who has been pulled into an intervention.

“Hello, my name is Audrey, and I’m addicted to restaurant meals and convenience foods.”

Now, we’ve made various pledges to ourselves in the last few months about eating better and saving money.

“This is the last time we are ordering pizza.”

“No, these are our last hoorah cookies. No more after this!”

“We need to make a meal plan. No more Oporto.”
“Right. No more Oporto.”
…
“Should we get Oporto?”
“Totally.”

All the pledges have left us with are empty pizza boxes on our fridge, empty sweet containers in the rubbish, and elevated cholesterol levels. And decidedly less money in our savings account. Like, a shocking amount. But Friday night was the first time we felt legitimately shitty about it. Not just the regular shitty you feel after eating take out food, but the emotional kind of shitty. After all, you never get the money back that you waste on cheap food. Unless you’re investing in extra body weight. In which case, my investments are solid. And maybe a little wobbly.

So now that we’ve hit out Fast Food Rock Bottom, things are going to be different. We are introducing some initial changes to the way we approach food:

1) we have set a weekly food budget. And I stuck to it when I grocery shopped on Saturday, while buying essentials for 3 meals + left overs.

2) we are going to start making and pre-packing lunches at the beginning of the week. I used our left over chili from Saturday’s dinner to make my mom’s chili spaghetti for lunches all this week.

3) we are allowed 3 emergency meals a month. Because I know there are just some shitty (PMS) days when cooking or effort in the kitchen seems useless.

4) we put up a calendar to write down meal ideas and emergency meal ideas for when we are hangry. We aren’t very good at planning ahead, so we’re going to try to plan 3 days at a time, and buy our vegetables as we need them. 9/10 vegetables come to our house to die. In our fridge. While we eat pizza.

5) we will keep a pantry stocked with basics and staples– we are already pretty good at this, but we’ll get better. And I’ll hopefully soon realize that ice cream and ginger ale aren’t “staples.” As much as I want them to be.

This sounds like another of my “DIET STARTS TOMORROW!” pledges. And I’m not unaware that agonizing on spending too much money on fast food is quite a first world problem. But, we really want this to work. And so far, we are two days into our plan, and we are 2-0. The first two days are the hardest, right? Right?

Check back in two weeks. Maybe we’ll be growing our own vegetables by then! Just hopefully we’re not collecting more pizza boxes.

Any tips on overcoming meal planning difficulties? Or any tips in general? I’d love to hear stories of Fast Food Survivors or Meal Planning Converts.

Caramel Cake: Behind the scenes

Published on April 18, 2015April 18, 2015 by audrey2 Comments

My last post was more about the feels inspired by the Back in the Day Bakery’s Caramel Cake with Salted Caramel Frosting than the actual process of making it, which itself was a doozy. An involved and kinda painful but ohhh so fun doozy. Also, attempting to make a cake from scratch, by yourself, and documenting it with a camera and note taking, by yourself, adds a whole new degree of difficulty and danger.

The recipe comes from the Back in the Day Bakery Made with Love cook book by Cheryl Day and Griffith Day. You can order the book here and you can find the recipe here. But you should just do yourself a favor, and order the book. It’s full of happiness.

And without further ado, here are some behind the scenes shots!

When your butter looks like this, you're going to need a scale. — When your butter looks like this, you’re going to need a scale.

Sifting things! Sifting was my favorite thing to do when I was kid, and surprise, it's my favorite thing to do as an adult. I heart tools. — Sifting things! Sifting was my favorite thing to do when I was kid, and surprise, it’s my favorite thing to do as an adult. I heart tools.

Haha, the caramel. I read the recipe over and over, wondering how I’d get caramel just from melting sugar. After a few minutes on the stove, I was still pushing sugar around. And then, out of nowhere, it started to melt into a clear liquid.

And the more sugar I added, the darker the liquid got. By George, it became caramel.

It was a slow, careful process, as I had to stir it constantly, add a little bit more sugar each time, and not take my eyes off of it. I felt like a scientist.

So much f*$%ing patience. — A very serious scientist. Who cooks with sunglasses as a headband.

After all the sugar melted, I followed the recipe and took it off the heat, and immediately, but slowly, added the cream. And I thought the caramel was going to explode! It instantly reared up, all the caramel seized and it smelled like someone had a wet dairy fart in the kitchen. Something tells me that my definition of “room temperature” cream and science’s definition of “room temperature” cream are different.

I’d have a picture of the 40 minutes me stirring/whisking/swearing at the caramel, trying to get it to melt back down, but I decided to spare the internet. This where I burned my fingers, made a huge mess, and started to wonder if it was too late to just buy an ice cream cake.

DSCF1633 — Also not pictured, an hour later removing all the burners so I can scrape caramel sauce off the stove top. Sweet.

I think I put myself at a disadvantage when I bought a $20 mixer. Apparently "5 speeds" means "2 speeds: off and SUPER EXTRA FAST" — I think I put myself at a disadvantage when I bought a $20 mixer. Apparently “5 speeds” means “2 speeds: off and SUPER EXTRA FAST”

The cake batter was so thick and creamy. I kinda wanted to curl up inside the pan and eat my way out. Instead, I ate about 3 spoons full. /no shame

I forgot to buy a wire rack. So I had to buy a cheap roasting pan for its rack. Ah well. Now we can roast chicken! — I forgot to buy a wire rack. So my only option was buy a cheap roasting pan for its rack. Ah well. Now we can roast chicken!

Around 9 PM, I realized both cake pans wouldn’t fit into the oven at the same time. I thought,
“I’ll just bake one at a time.”
“but that will take too long.”
“I can bake one on top of the other!”
“But then one layer will bake faster than the other.”
“But they’ll be done! And I can go to bed!”
“Sold.”

So I baked both layers at the same time, and the layer on the bottom rack, as predicted, baked faster. And maybe too much.

But the other layer turned out great!

Better! And you can spot the caramel that didn't fully melt... — Better! And you can spot the caramel that didn’t fully melt…

The funny part is, I ended up talking to my mom for about an hour while the cakes baked. It took about 25 minutes to cook each layer, so I could have just baked them one at a time, and I would have stayed up the same amount of time. Ah well. My entire life is a rush to get to bed.

The next day, I started the frosting.

Brown sugar and butter will soon be frosting!

DSCF1655 — Guess what happened immediately after this photo! If you answered, “Powder sugar bomb because Audrey forgot to fold it into the sauce before she turned the mixer on” you are correct. Your prize: come clean my kitchen.

yes plz — My first cake stand! A vintage looking aluminum Jamie Oliver stand that I found on sale for $18. Jamie Oliver is Australia’s Racheal Ray. I can’t escape him.

This looks like a sandwich. And I want to eat it as is.

Crumb layer--best advice ever. You put a layer of frosting on to catch all the loose bits, pop it in the fridge for at least 30 minutes, and then frost it again. The second layer of frosting goes on smoother and looks great. — Crumb layer–best advice ever. You put a layer of frosting on to catch all the loose bits, pop it in the fridge for at least 30 minutes, and then frost it again. The second layer of frosting goes on smoother and looks great.

While the crumb layer chilled in the fridge, I made the bunting. I cut out triangles of paper, wrote on it with white out, and taped all the triangles to string, because the string was too thick for the small triangles. But it worked like a charm.

I just realized that I forgot to sprinkle the cake with flaky sea salt. Sheeew. At least there was sea salt in the frosting.

So there you have it! Baking fun with the almost competent baker.

Give it a whirl!

Back to Cakes

Published on April 17, 2015April 18, 2015 by audrey2 Comments

In March of 2012, I was a mess.

Mess.

Like, moving out of your boyfriend’s apartment and back in with your parents, unemployed, emotional, drunk, extremely fragile mess. I joke now about my tendency to hole up in bed, in sweat pants, watching Teen Mom on repeat, but this is where it started. And I did it for about 30 hours a week, when I wasn’t obsessively rearranging my bedroom or using any opportunity to just get obliterated, in an attempt–I mean, in the worst possible way possible–to get on with my life. Basically, I was trying to dig myself out of the hole that was my life, but I just dug myself in deeper.

It was around this time that my mom and her best friend Sue went to visit Sue’s son Matt and his wife Mandy in Savannah, GA. Mandy took mom and Sue to one of her favorite local eateries, Back in the Day Bakery, and mom brought back some of their Old Fashioned Cupcakes for my dad and me. I have a very distinct memory of that day, as I often do with food that changes my life.

I was unshowered and in my pajamas and had just cancelled all my work plans when mom presented the adorable paper box to me, tied with red and white string and hand stamped with the bakery’s name. The box had a couple greasy spots on it, which immediately intrigued me. After all, grease spots most often forecast a delicious treat. Inside the box was a small cupcake covered in pink icing and white sprinkles. I grew up hating frosting and hating cupcakes because they were mostly frosting. But, I didn’t care. Suddenly I needed to eat this cupcake. I peeled the paper and shoved it frosting first into my face.

Wow.

What a cupcake. Even after a 10+ hour journey in a non-air tight container, this cupcake was perfect. It had the most amazing texture. The best flavor. And it tasted real. Like the first person to have ever created a cupcake had made them in their kitchen from scratch and had delivered it to me. There was no fake sugar taste that accompanies most frosting. It was real butter cream–and all you could taste was butter and sugar. And the cake was moist and had the perfect crumble. Even the sprinkles were tasty. You could taste the attention to detail. It was incredible.

I remember when I was done eating it, I was sad. I was sad all the time back then, but this was a new, different kind of sad. I had a Lester Burnham moment and thought, “This will be the highlight of my day.” And I took a picture of the empty wrapper.

That cupcake, and the three more I ate immediately after, lifted my spirits in a beautifully weird way. Like, the fact that I could love something that I had so long hated made me feel like change within myself wasn’t impossible. Like I had been judging things too quickly. It was cupcake empowerment. Or it was a massive sugar high. But either way, I felt better than I had in a long time.

As with most sugar highs, the feeling was short lived. Most unfortunately. However, a few weeks later, Mandy sent my mom Back in the Day Bakery’s first cookbook that had just been released, signed by chef and co-owner, Cheryl Day. I leafed through it, hoping to find the recipe for the cupcakes that shone a light for me. And lo and behold, there it was. And that to die for butter cream frosting, too.

I took a few hours and I read the cookbook from cover to cover. I didn’t have much baking experience beyond one cobbler recipe, Toll House cookies, and Betty Crocker box mixes. I had attempted a from scratch cake and icing the summer before, but it was still pretty slip-shod. But the Days presented baking and cooking in such an accessible, and funny way that made me want to roll up my sleeves and try. So that’s what I did.

And I loved it.

That first batch of cupcakes helped in a way I didn’t fully realise at the time. Baking gave me an outlet, something to focus on. Following precise instructions gave my brain a break from worry and grief. And looking at the plate of cupcakes, frosted and sprinkled, knowing they were as delicious as the ones made in Savannah, gave me a shot in the arm. I had created something. And it was damn good. And it made everyone who tried it happy. It was the fulfillment I needed in a dark time.

I baked all summer. Some fails, some awesome successes. It was centering, calming, and exciting, even when it made me want to rip my hair out (see: double boiling). But I was productive. As I baked and cooked, life felt easier. For those moments I was in the kitchen, everything was good. And that’s how it’s been since.

Setting down to make something from scratch never fails to make me feel good and right about the world. And I give all the credit to that first batch of cupcakes, and that first cookbook that brought me some hope–something I got to tell Cheryl Day herself last summer when I finally got to go to see the bakery in Savannah.

I haven’t had many chances to bake since I’ve been in Sydney. Mostly because I didn’t have a mixer or pans, and also because I’m still learning my way around Fahrenheit and Celsius and that whole “metric system” thing. So when Joel and I were looking through Back in the Day Bakery’s new cookbook, Back in the Day Bakery: Made with Love, which my mom so awesomely sent to me, and I noticed how wide his eyes got when he saw the Caramel Cake with Salted Caramel Frosting, I knew I had a baking project ahead of me. Yesssssssss.

First, there was plotting. I went to Victoria’s Basement, a kitchen and homewares store that sells items at deep, deep discount, to buy supplies. Then there were 3 trips to grocery stores to find all the ingredients. With Joel gone for two evenings, I knew I had plenty of time in case I screwed up and had to start all over. I measured out my butter and put it out to warm, and then, it began.

There was a minor catastrophe while making the caramel sauce (hello seizing caramel and 40 minutes of stirring over low heat to smooth things out), and I might have rushed things and burned my fingers and over baked one of the layers a tad, but overall, the cake was delicious. And it brought back all the good feelings that that first round of cupcakes brought.

And I’d say it was pretty damn good.

If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen.

Chicken-Avo-Hell-Yeah

Published on February 23, 2015February 23, 2015 by audrey1 Comment

In my opinion, anything served on grilled bread is already A+. That goes double for sandwiches. And we’re big sandwich fans around here. Especially those of the open face* variety.

Lately, I’ve been seeing ads for open faced ciabatta sandwiches, which has made me be all “Yes. Yes please, chicken and bacon and avocado open face sandwich.” It’s a simple idea with simple ingredients, and sure, it’s an idea that’s well visited, but that doesn’t mean it’s not truly fantastic. So I scraped change together, collected the ingredients, and went for it. And it turned out to be one of the best sandwich meals I’ve made, so it gets a blog.

And you should definitely try it sometime:

Chicken-Avo-Hell-Yeah
Makes 4 open face sandwich slices

What you’ll need:

– 2 chicken breasts, cut into strips (I used pre-cut strips, because I’m lazy)
– 1 package bacon or pancetta, diced (I used pancetta because it’s tastier, fancier bacon, and crisps better than Australian bacon. Also, it was on sale and cheaper than bacon.)
– 1 small-medium tomato, or 3 cherry tomatoes (which is what I used, because I had them at home and didn’t want to buy more)
– 1 large avocado
– 1 lemon
– 1 large ciabatta loaf, or 4 small ciabatta rolls (I went with Turkish sea salt flat bread, because they ran out of ciabatta bread at the bakery and I was on a time crunch)
– olive oil and butter
-salt, pepper, paprika

Step 1: Heat a glug of olive oil in a pan (if using pancetta, not if you’re using bacon) in a large skillet on medium-high heat. Bacon will produce it’s own glorious grease if you’re in the States and are eating American style bacon. I miss bacon grease.

Step 2: toss in the pancetta/bacon, and fry until crispy. Crispy is important here. Like, really important. You don’t want to throw off the Texture Continuum. Once it’s reached the appropriate crispiness, transfer the meat to a bowl, but leave the drippings in the pan. You’ll thank me in the next step.

DSCF1234 — whoops, blurry! Camera can’t handle that crispy pancetta action.

Step 3: add another glug of olive oil to the pan and cook the chicken strips. Unless you’re cooking the chicken in bacon grease. I cooked mine in the pancetta drippings. mmmm.

I’ve found that the best way to cook chicken is to cook it all the way through. Take it from me, but it’s awkward when you give someone salmonella poisoning. Also, be generous with the olive oil, salt, and pepper. Unless you like dried card board that kinda tastes like chicken.

4. Remove from pan and dice/cube/rip the strips until they’re size that’s comparable to your mouth. No choking, please.

5. Suddenly remember you have to smash up the avocado. Dice the tomatoes first.

It’s hard to dice cherry tomatoes. But they’re tiny and cute, so that makes up for it. Don’t worry, you too can use a steak knife to cut your tomatoes. This is a safe place, no judgement.

6. slice and de-shell avocado. Almost take your finger off removing the seed with that cool knife trick Leigh taught you.

7. Mash the avocado with tomato, a squeeze of lemon juice, salt, pepper, olive oil, and a bit of paprika. At this point, you might remember to add onion and jalapeno, but then that would be guacamole and you suck at making guacamole.

8. Slice the bread, butter the shit out of it, and toss it under the grill, or face down on a hot skillet. You can also toast it, but do it on a low setting so the bread doesn’t get extra hard. I’d recommend grilling it in the bacon/pancetta drippings, but the chicken hogged all that up. Good for the chicken, sad for the bread. But, the bread gets butter. And butter is Godly.

9. Slather the bread with a healthy dose of avocado mash, calling it avo-mash to make yourself feel really hip.

10. Next, layer the chicken.

11. Then, pancetta/bacon.

12. DO NOT ADD CHICKEN SECOND. Pancetta/bacon always gets top billing. Just ask their manager.

13. Top off with a squeeze of lemon.

14. Enjoy the shit out of it.

Yum town, population: you.

Enjoy!

*”open face” is such a gross term. I mean, really.